


Hiraeth

by PhantomWarrior99



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 21:50:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14724209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhantomWarrior99/pseuds/PhantomWarrior99
Summary: Gabriel remembers everything about his family, the good, the bad, and the things he wishes he could forget. After all, these are the memories that led him to this point, to this battle, to this trick.





	Hiraeth

Archangels, Heaven's most powerful weapon, a force strong enough to level entire cities with the snap of their fingers. He was one of them, or he had been, perhaps a lifetime ago, a time before he adopted the guise of Loki, a time before he fled Heaven.

The whispers, the ever-present Angel Radio kept him informed, it had erupted when Lucifer was released. It was then that he buried himself deeper and deeper into the Pagan world, distancing himself from his brothers. Until he couldn't. Until he caught wind of Kali's conference and their intended guests of honor: Sam and Dean Winchester.

They brought it on themselves, they let Lucifer out, let them deal with him.

He had brushed aside any notion of assisting them, forcing the twisted sense of responsibility back into the depths from which it crept. He couldn't escape who he was, try as he might, he couldn't snap away his role as an archangel, but he could forget.

He could forget the war with Amara, Lucifer's fall, the agony in Michael's eyes when Chuck banished their second oldest brother to the cage. Gabriel didn't want to remember Raphael's reluctance, his quiet, yet commanding nature, the way he supported Michael at every turn, the way he stepped back and let the eldest dictate the way Heaven was run.

He left Heaven to escape it all, Chuck's abandonment, Lucifer's fall, Michael's control and Raphael's submission. Yes, yes, they were family, but what good had family ever done him?

He found a home amongst the Pagans, the role of Loki suited him. He did as he pleased, avoided angelic interference and served "just desserts", he was satisfied. He should have known it wouldn't--couldn't last, not when it came to his family. Not when Lucifer had finally escaped the Cage, not when his big brother was hell-bent on re-making the world in his image and certainly not when Michael was out for blood.

Why couldn't things go back to way they were? Brothers watching over humanity, no wars, no angel versus angel battles, just peace. How he longed for it to be over, for the battle to pass as nothing more than a fleeting thought instead of a full blown war.

The Winchesters certainly weren't going to play their roles, he'd learned that a long time ago. The brothers were borderline suicidal when it came to one another, Sam sacrificing himself for Dean, Dean quite literally going to Hell and back for his little brother. If Gabriel didn't know better, he'd say they reminded him of his own family. Yet, it didn't change the fact that they didn't stand a chance against the Pagans, they needed his help.

This was why he found himself staring down the Devil himself, angel blade in hand, Winchesters and Kali safely outside and fleeing the archangel showdown. It was here that Gabriel recalled their childhood, the time Lucifer had spent teaching him tricks and tactics, gags and games to pass the time. It was here that Gabriel stared into his big brother's eyes and saw reluctance and resentment rather than love and affection.

They traded jabs, remarks intended to distract and, hopefully, disarm the brewing storm behind Lucifer's eyes. After everything they'd been through, Gabriel would give anything to see the warmth in his brother's eyes again, to see the brotherly affection cross his features as he slung an arm around the youngest archangel's shoulder and demonstrated a new trick before his eyes.

He longed to see Lucifer and Michael trade sparring blows, a smile permanently etched into their features as Lucifer tried and failed to gain the upper hand against their eldest brother, Michael's laugh echoing in his ears as he pinned his brother to the ground time after countless time. The eldest would always emerge victorious, and Lucifer wouldn't stand a chance; not then, and certainly, not now. Gabriel could almost see the amused glint in Chuck's eyes as he watched his sons wrestle, Raphael and Gabriel too enthused by the action to notice their Father's gentle smile.

Those times had passed, and Lucifer's fury had carved itself into his features, eyes flashing crimson when Gabriel defended mankind, rejecting the eldest two archangels and their respective crusades. It wasn't until Lucifer's expression softened that Gabriel tightened his grip on the angel blade.

There was a tenderness behind his eyes, an expression laced with remorse and dread, "Brother, don't make me do this."

Defiance flared. "No one makes us do anything."

He was right, Gabriel was right, no one could force their hand, control their actions, or dictate their course. The brothers were alike in that sense: Lucifer rebellion against God's commands, unable to accept the creation of humanity. Gabriel, his rebellion against Heaven, against their strict laws and regulations that prevented them from exercising free will. So alike, yet so different.

It was here that Gabriel found himself staring into his big brother's eyes, warmth replaced with icy detachment, an archangel blade buried hilt-deep in the youngest's torso. He was in tears, betrayal and turmoil in his eyes as honeyed hues met blue, desperation gripping him just as one hand gripped Lucifer's.

"Don't forget, little brother, you learned all your tricks from me."

A twist and a mixture of brilliant blue and white flashed behind his eyes, engulfing the room in a blinding display of loss and betrayal. His body crumpled to the floor, winged imprints splayed on the carpeted floor at the Devil's feet.

It was here that Gabriel watched from the corner of the room, witnessing the loss and agony in his brother's expression as he stood over Gabriel's corpse.

Another trick, just like you taught me, brother.

Lucifer's eyes mirror that of Michael's eons before, when he was banished to the Cage. The suffering evident in the eldest's posture as Raphael laid a comforting hand on his big brother's shoulder. They all knew it had to be done, the fallen archangel was a cancer to humanity, he would corrupt them to no end if he hadn't been stopped.

It was then that their world crumbled, when they all realized that there was no return, no chance of reclaiming their child-like innocence, their inseparable nature. It was then that Lucifer was permanently alienated, it was then that Raphael became completely and utterly loyal to Michael and his vision for Heaven. It was this time, this date that Michael swore to obey his Father's every command, to be the good son, the perfect soldier. And it was then that Gabriel realized he couldn't watch his brothers tear at each others' throats, when he discovered the void they'd never fill again, when he decided that he had to leave.

There was no redemption, no means of repairing the damage done by Lucifer's fall. They had been a family once and he loved them, but they could never return to the home, to the memories they shared.

It was too late for his family, but maybe, just maybe, it wasn't too late for the Winchesters.

\-------------

**Author's Note:**

> Hey folks,  
> This is my first Supernatural fanfic, so I hope y'all enjoy! If you liked it, feel free to leave a kudos/comment and let me know!  
> Also, if you'd like, send me a prompt! I'd be more than happy to write it for you!  
> ~ Phantoms


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